I spent to protect myself from my parents’ contentious marriage. I spent to make the conflict recede. I spent to make every family moment smooth and content.
Later, I spent money on books to make myself certain I could publish. I spent money to smooth the way and remove the risk. I did not write for the direct polish and pleasure to my critics; I spent to remove the risk and make a painful path of reject and prelude to creativity, success, and acceptance.
Did I succeed? The next month will tell.